The Gay Cowboy :)

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very  good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. 


Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.


He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.  For weeks, the two of them worked together, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. 


You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday  night.

Which is the better platform ?

It's so hard to decide which is the better platform Blogger or Wordpress !

For years now I have used both creating blogs and websites for family, friends and business clients and after all this time and fun I've had playing around on both these platforms I still can't decide which one I want to use for myself.

Have a look at Wordpress.org platform which is powered by PHP and MYSQL and initially introduced to the world in May 2003, version WP 3.0 was downloaded more than 33 million times in 2011. It has thousands of templates that are free to download and use, and if your like me play around with the code bugger them up delete them and start again till you get it right :)

Now have a look at Blogger.com one excellent platform for a newbie to start their blog with,  so user friendly and yet so up there with the rest,  you can spice it up now with free templates and social plugins, as opposed to Wordpress where you do need a little knowledge on what web hosting is, FTP (File Transfer Protocol) and cpanel with Blogger you don't even need the dummies guide on how to us it.

WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and groans,

'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

IT'S HELL TO BE OLD !!!

 

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!  

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Rat Shit in the glue on Envelopes was the Best

Dear Friends

Just to start off the New Year I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded over the last year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 

But that will change once I receive the  $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

WEEWEECHU CHRISTMAS !

It was a romantic full moon when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" , said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." , replied Rosita.

 "Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!! 

EXERCISE FOR THE OVER FORTIES

 Just came across this exercise suggested for the over 40's to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy so I thought that I'd pass it on to some of my friends and family. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

 1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 2kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

 2. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato bag. Then a 25kg potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute (I'm at this level).

 3. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the bags. LOL !!

So Where is the Post Office ?

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a Coupla blocks and turn to your right."


The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get To Heaven."


The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, bullshit... You don't Even know the way to the Post Office."

Seniors on a Road Trip !!!

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.


All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”

This coming week is National Senior Mental Health Week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable Senior to show you care.

Well — my job is done.