The Gay Cowboy :)

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very  good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. 


Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.


He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.  For weeks, the two of them worked together, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. 


You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday  night.

What the Heck ! do we say on Twitter ?

One of the first questions I'm asked by clients when it comes to creating their social media accounts for them "What the Heck do we say on Twitter".  They spot tweets posted by people and companies that they follow and feel the urge to join in the conversation but are unsure how to go about it, "what if we say the wrong thing," or the dreaded thought of "what if we make fools of ourselves" is said to me many times.

I say "When its time for that long awaited coffee break its time to tweet". Order that Coffee in a big mug,  kick back, log onto Twitter and join the conversations that interest you." as you well know by now I have lots of coffee breaks :).

If you think you've made a fool of yourself in a tweet or a post don't worry the world's not going to cave in, and tomorrow will be another day!

Which is the better platform ?

It's so hard to decide which is the better platform Blogger or Wordpress !

For years now I have used both creating blogs and websites for family, friends and business clients and after all this time and fun I've had playing around on both these platforms I still can't decide which one I want to use for myself.

Have a look at Wordpress.org platform which is powered by PHP and MYSQL and initially introduced to the world in May 2003, version WP 3.0 was downloaded more than 33 million times in 2011. It has thousands of templates that are free to download and use, and if your like me play around with the code bugger them up delete them and start again till you get it right :)

Now have a look at Blogger.com one excellent platform for a newbie to start their blog with,  so user friendly and yet so up there with the rest,  you can spice it up now with free templates and social plugins, as opposed to Wordpress where you do need a little knowledge on what web hosting is, FTP (File Transfer Protocol) and cpanel with Blogger you don't even need the dummies guide on how to us it.

Early this morning I became a Firefighter

KUDOS TO ALL FIREFIGHTERS :)

One of the things you dread a fire, yep got the call at 1.30am this morning a smoke alarm was going off on the 28th floor of the Resort and had been for thirty minutes.

Oh golly I check the in-house list and it's not one of my units, but I'm on my way up there to assess the situation, The caller is at his door when he hears the lift bell go and I step out "it's not me" he say's and I head to the unit where I can hear the alarm coming from loud and clear it's the one.

I knock no answer, I open the door and the smoke just gushed out, oh shoot I head towards the Kitchen yelling out is there anyone home! and I see ahead of me in the lounge room a couch with the silhouette of a head, my first thought is Terror! he's dead, he didn't move when I yelled.

I go past the kitchen see the fire on the stove out of the corner of my eye as I head to him on the couch, grab his wrist,find a pulse, he's alive just asleep, Wholly shit I again see the stove on fire behind him while I'm doing this, I try to wake him up he doesn't stir, I run into the Kitchen and grab whatever I can find to kill this fire, I run back try to shake the shit out of this guy, C'mon Matey your house is on fire, please wake up and help me, no luck ! I go to the balcony open the door, I head back to the Kitchen whacking the fire with tea towels! I head back to old Matey shake him again and finally he wakes up, and all he could say was "Well this is pretty embarrassing" he fell asleep while cooking fish fingers under the griller. In the meantime I head home stinking of smoke, and hit the shower at 3am in the morning. :)

Brandons Film (Youtube)

This is Priceless ! and how True !

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.... Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting...

WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and groans,

'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

THIS ONE IS FOR THE GIRLS !!

A Special One For All The Ladies ...

               ARE YOU A BITCH? 

Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions ~

The first guy says 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know

Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist'

The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K., you know...

Double Income, No Kids.'

THE KOALA AND THE LITTLE LIZARD !!

The Koala and the Little Lizard

A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past , looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

IT'S HELL TO BE OLD !!!

 

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!  

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.